H.'s Corner

2008-01-23T05:38:00.001-05:00

My skin has

crawled all night

I have shaken like an addict

itched like a detoxer

and slept sporadically

Imaginary men stationed

at my bed side with

arms crossed

sweat pouring down

each of us

Only eroticism

would calm me down

it was an

illusion

figments of the past

pieces of the future

just beyond my reach

2007-12-27T21:27:00.000-05:00

I am

A working class

hero with

nothing to

see (blind or oblivious)

I only know

what is

spoken to me

Something went

terribly wrong in

the world today

and yet who notices

or cares

or sees the affects

and I lay here

Disappointed

Alone

Suffering

Surviving

Dying

Ripped into

particles

That only you

can see

Do you see me floating?

I just went under your

neurons.

You were

suppose to sniff

Now I cannot even

live in your brain

I am stuck in this

weed (not a bad thing)

waiting

on a dog to piss.

Death by squirting

2007-12-16T13:44:00.000-05:00

I have thought of you

the night through

not knowing why

only that my senses are

tingles

splayed open

for your defining

I can see

us at a drum circle

our souls beating

and swaying to the

same rhythm

how cool to be in

a circle

joints going

round and round

long hair braids and beads

Lennon wailing

"Come together"

and we do

and we are

Homless

2007-12-15T17:37:00.000-05:00

I saw the news

the homeless people

and I thought

would they trade places with me?

Debt and regular bills alike

or are they lucky

to be without these worries?

But while I sleep

in my comfortable bed

I know they would too;

as I struggle to pay bills

do they want that burden?

Yes..security

for the unsecure

Do I want to

live in a tent

on the front lawn

of the state building?

No and

nor do they

So why?

I salute these people

with no name

just faces

of hunger and worry

and I wonder

would that be better

than bills and taxes

and the dreaded job?

Who would trade with me?

With all the worry and heartache

that goes along

with being society;

not fighting the man.

Tonight I may

sleep in a tent

just to trade places

and understand the injustices

Hello and Goodbye

2007-11-25T12:35:00.000-05:00

Touching you

Pheromones liberate

Inhaled delightfully.

"Pardon, do I

necessitate your acquaintance?"

"In what way?"

"The way that

I understand all people"

The potential attraction

is crushing

yet we

saunter away

covered in sensation

Growing up

2007-08-19T19:05:00.001-05:00

I have already

Ruined that

rotation I swore

would shatter

The vision came

while tossing in

the sheets that

gnashed my

legs as though

they were

soft snakes

taunting me

He does

not need

love

hugs

my hand

or intellect

I have educated

him in the

pastimes of

Loneliness

Solitude

and the life

of extroverts

My pain and past

is now his

to carry on to the

next generation

like Celtic spirals

spinning without

halting

2007-08-15T16:42:00.001-05:00

It was not your usual grain-

Spinning brightly, dashes of brown

(Those are life specs)

To whom do I speak, is it the memory keeper?

If I must speak frugally, it was a simple brown.

Lines. Lines of white not so simple

They spread out into the vastness

Teasing the sense of safety

They are the line breakers

Careful as they walk

Watching their back

Timid steps

Into the crack, not over

Are you taking this down?

(Memory keeper?)

Brown. And white. Lines.

Vastness. Safety lurking under the grapevines

Taking away my giggling

And innocence

Back then on the table

Grains far from the truth

And now,

Hiding here on the wiggly time line-
I squirm.

I must remember what good feels like.

Earth odors emaciate my senses,

Thinning

My blood so that I may

Fly without air

Melancholy wine, tendrils of their own

Wrap around me, curling me up

(Please take this down.)

I become pod-like, and safe in my shell.

My breathing takes in all that approaches

Even the white blurs

(Note to the keeper: the following)

Remove the prickly taunts-

Just grab the ant by its legs. It does not belong

This time

(Memory keeper: Life specs)

It was about squeezing what was left-

Wild onion grass underfoot, a bushel of space,

Upside down butterflies,

He loves me, loves me not, I wish I could

Remember. To try. To savor

What was left of adolescence

In memory

Only the sting.

(Was left)

It is later now.

My pinkie nail has grown

filed to a point like a vampire incisor tooth.

The memory keeper is long gone.

My half-life is burning out

but it still fuels the hybrid being that I have become.

The white line blurs within me. I breathe it in.

I have parted, split, broken, and become effused.

The jagged line is there in the middle

between existentialism and aesthetics.

Much later.

I remember spring.

An eruption of shadows, and light.

The fullness inside of me.

Vines that hug skin tight.

And I am whole.

Mediocrity

2007-08-05T19:16:00.001-05:00

One bird on a wire

Not sure if it is genuine

All the cars glimmering

in the sun dry my vision

Where have the old

ones gone? rusty and smoking

Oh I spy them down that

dirty area of urban sprawl

Turning away not looking back

Departing from the genuine people

I go back to the

attractive people

and breathe

The Great Disposal

2007-06-30T11:36:00.000-05:00

She was deceased, my grandmother

Packing was an abominable chore

Brothers deciding

Who would get what

(I already had the 200 yr old table)

Then the scream of horror

Guttural and disgusting

Great uncle Roy screaming

MY name

So I run

And there he stands over

A nightstand drawer

Peering at a simple

Creamy vibrator

Remove it he says!

I stared at the last

Remnants of

Grandma’s youth

And shivered

We found one

In every room

I knew because

There was always

A scream

2007-06-07T19:10:00.001-05:00

My name is Almeda

a whore following the railroad men

across America with a

passel of children at my heels

Skirts pulled up ten times a day

Cum dripping down my leg

All those babies crying

2007-05-08T18:15:00.000-05:00

FUCKIN WAR

BIRTH

DEATH

LOVE

SECURITY

ALL

GONE

PARENTS

DO NOT SEE

GRADUATIONS

LITTLE GIRLS DO

NOT DANCE ON

DADDIES TOES

WIVES

MASTURBATE

ALONE

MEN JUST

BECOME THINKERS

NOT DARING TO SPEAK

BUT

WHAT DO

BECOME?

2007-05-06T15:05:00.000-05:00

Sitting blindly

Not knowing

The effects

I wait

I yearn

I know better

But the excitement is fun

Ecstatic

Tantalizing

Remember

Your first

Meeting?

2007-05-04T19:25:00.001-05:00

"Jockomo feeno ah na nay
Jockomo feena nay"

Living in America

Chaos of life

Nipping my Achilles

It came to me

"Hey now, hey now

IKO IKO all day"

I covered

My face

And

Stopped the

Tears from

Falling

Where is Kerouac

2007-04-21T11:36:00.000-05:00

Where is Kerouac
Holding my hand
Saying let's just
Hit the road
 
Waning down the Mississippi
Through farms
And fields
And swamps
 
I need all those 
Interesting
ORDINARY
People
 
Trying to make
It in this 
Harsh reality
We call the hum-drum
 
You know?
The one THEY
Say we can
CHANGE
If only we try

2007-03-22T18:40:00.000-05:00

Soaring above those

Andean peaks

I circle watching

Alpacas graze

Poncho laden men

Mold the fertile earth

I spy cuy

Running to and fro

SWOOSH

Blood drips from my talons

I am condor

*Cuy is a Peruvian guinea pig. It is a delicacy when skinned and roasted

2007-03-13T21:24:00.001-05:00

I am disconnected

No longer understanding

MY Purpose

Life's purpose

I am not suicidal

I am benign

I am caught

Between

contentment and

melancholy

I have become neutered

I want the passion back

Certainty to coming knocking

With news of my future

I am tired of the what ifs

And the what will be's

Someone told me

That I had no fear

Of GOD

Ergo, happiness

Forbidden Fruit

2006-11-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

We met through mutual friends

Instantaneous attraction

A years worth of flirtation

Playing out sexual motives

In bars and houses

Always with friends

You were forbidden fruit

But I loved the attention

That night at the bar on 5^th St.

Frustration took our hands

We snuck away from our friends

First you then me around the corner

That car ride to my apartment

Was so nauseating and excruciating

Once we got in my room

Pent up passion overtook

That year melted away

Into passionate intimacy

The crowd came home

And over the balcony you went

Home was your destination

To confess to your wife

And then you migrated

Far away from me

Angry

2006-11-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

I watch the news and

Why?

Why do the Janjaweed

Rape and mutilate

For land

Religion

Women treated as animals

Children starved

Holy fuck and all we care about is

Gas mileage

DVDs

Football games

Getting enough turkey

Christmas presents

And all they want is not to be raped and mutilated

Not to be fucked out of existence

2006-11-13T18:07:00.000-05:00

From the hills I came

Listening to mandolins

Spewing sweet melodies

Floating down that river

Swaying and creaking

Cane pole feeding and pushing

Sitting in limbo

Watching for the delta

To spread before me

Sunsets and sunrises

My only companions

On the Mississippi

2006-11-05T21:06:00.000-05:00

In stepped Clara

Normally not an issue

But you cared for this one

Fucking bitch

My reality became

A question of your devotion

My soul mate

Intrigued by another

Sunshine girl

Jealously finally spilled

And my last words were

“Fuck You”

As I hung up the phone

Two weeks later

October 6, 1995

Day before my 21^st

I worked

And my coke dealer

Had special plans for me

I spent the entire night

Snorting the best coke ever

Then there was that flat tire

At 5 am

Got a ride home

Borrowed a vehicle

Went to work

It was only an hour when I got a call

“Are you OK?”

“Sure! I have been up all night

But it’s my birthday

I’ll be ready”

Greg’s voice slowly saying

“Oh shit you don’t know!”

“Know what?”

“I am so sorry, but I cannot be the one”

“They are looking for you”

I finally drag it out of him

Tears filled my eyes

By body was not my own

The phone dropped

Stumbled through the kitchen

All I could say was he’s dead

Early on the 7^th

With a bottle of whiskey

In hand

Chuck sat on the tracks behind his house

Tucked his head down and quit

This tragedy will continue…….If you are just starting go back and read the other two. There is one installment left. But I am getting emotionally drained. I am crying again after 12 years…….Be patient

Spilled Wine

2006-11-03T21:04:00.000-05:00

a dropped
bottle of wine
pooling
and
r
u
n
n
i
n
g

down the driveway
smelling of muscadine

2006-11-03T21:02:00.000-05:00

“Goddamn I declare have you seen the light?”

From day one your smile impeded breathing

Every morsel of awareness addressed my way

Predestined living or dying

A thousand deaths

In my father’s house

I told you about this

Fucked up feeling inside

And you had it too

Goddamn, one year was all I got

And I did not even appreciate it

I took it for granted

Slept around (as did you)

I think that was the agreement

I remember the little details

The Spanish Harlem

Snorted up our nostrils

Hunting trails

Smoking bowls

Lying on the hood

Keg parties’ tequila and cheese

Climbing three stories

Instead of the stairs

Keeping your socks under your bean bag

And dead roses scattered everywhere

Charlotte ’95 encoring

“The Mighty Quinn”

Wrestling and fucking

So turned on by this bizarre

Energy that just crept up

On us every time we came

Into contact

Together and separate

I learned the ways of the head

Jerry my divine intervention

A manifest destination

Of love and peace

No longer just the dealer

But the lover of you

It was indeed

The happiest year of my being

Nevertheless

In crept strife

C. Part ONe

2006-11-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

I lived on First Street, Apt. A

Knowing all the people

Loving all the crowds

As long as the drugs were flowing

And the jam bands playing

Life was perfect

I lived from place to place

Drinking smoking snorting

Tripping my balls off

Promiscuous and thriving

Caring and still staying distant

Dying on the inside everyday

And not even knowing

What it meant to exist

Thinking good beer, music, and smoke

Is all I needed to live

Joe and Greg said

You got to meet this guy

Remember that night

2006-10-29T21:05:00.000-05:00

It’s time its time!

Ripping off whole corners

Dissolving on my tongue

The wait is killing me

Then it comes

Swirls of light

Trails with every breathe

Those tortillas chips

Are a bubbling mess

Here come the birds

The sky turned black

I scream “The Birds”

And Josh only laughs

Then we all travel

To that weird place

And upstairs Ben is

Cutting coke in shapes

Soon enough though

I had to go outside

I rocked and I wailed

I’ll be like this forever

Then it was time to

Go home at 6 am

Mr. Officer was I speeding?

Just a seatbelt violation?

Oh how Joe and I laughed

As we pulled away

In that little Subaru

Going to First Street

MY LOSS

2006-10-22T13:06:00.000-05:00

So many roads I have traveled

Since that fateful day

When I learned of your existence

Peeing in the bathroom of a movie rental store

Smoking a joint

And at a stop sign reading the results

I remember the scream of anguish

Guilt despair and loneliness

Arrived with and exhale of smoke

Strung out and drunk

Grieving for what I had lost

Not knowing where I was going

I know how you were made

But with who

I can not answer

I consoled my grief

With two men

Neither of them caring

When it was known that you

Were swimming in fluids encased within

A solution had to be determined

My compadres said we can fix that

With a bottle of Jagermeister and Percocet

And an impromptu abortion

That day I cried and felt a bit of me die

I had killed you

Before the doctor ever got his machine near you

My road is now more contented

But I haven’t forgotten you

My sweet creation of grief and addiction

Blues

2006-10-01T09:44:00.000-05:00

I got them…

6 A.M.

Driving in the dark

Teachers hating

Students wanting

Administrators watching

Soccer practice

Crazy parent

Shin hurting

No sleep

Got to cook dinner

No sex in 6 years

Baby’s daddy

Bible belt

No close friends

No money

BLUES

2006-09-27T20:14:00.000-05:00

My son wrote me a poem today...and I normally would not do this......but

Just me and my mom
I love my mom
She loves me
She is kool

I LOVE YOU SON!

2006-09-18T18:08:00.000-05:00

Living life to survive

Learning everything

Knowing nothing

Life is a refry of death

Little Chinese Girl

2006-09-10T07:56:00.000-05:00

Men stare and touch me

Drag me across unknown territories

Treat as me as inferior

All to get a little trim

Prairie winds blowing

I wish I weren’t going

I‘m just a simple peasant girl

No need for whirls

I am not a pearl

I’m a little Chinese girl

Not aiming to please

How many have died

out on those plains

Waiting for the homeland

How many burials never marked

Scattered across the west

Tributes to an unknown slavery

Prairie winds blowing

I wish I weren’t going

I‘m just a simple peasant girl

No need for whirls

I am not a pearl

no title...sorry

2006-09-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

How do you stop living in the past?

Shutting out memories is inconceivable…

Trying to face them makes you weak…

Acceptance doesn’t rid you…

Leaving is obsolete….

Nasty memories stalk sanity….

You cannot escape with sleep….

Dreams are vivid reminders…

They bring the dead back..

And make the living dead…

All behind your closed eyelids

In moments of peace

Memories rush at you

Crushing solitude into

A million little pieces

You never feel safe

From those haunting

Bits of time

That devour your soul

Fresh memories never erase

Only make more poignant

Those demonic memories

THAT REFUSE TO LEAVE

So the question remains

How do you stop living in the past

Shutting out inconceivable memories

That weakens you

Perhaps ripping your soul to shreds

Propagating your own death

Will finally release you

Into total oblivion

Don't Forget!

2006-08-26T21:27:00.000-05:00

With a new hurricane bearing down on the Gulf Coast, I wanted to remind people that there are still very serious problems in the Third World USA….My dear friend Rhonda Rainbow is as strong as a granite, but let us not forget her anguish. This poem is dedicated to her…It is not meant to be perfect, just an emotional reminder of how lucky we are. I live in a hurricane zone, and I know these feelings well and have seen it all first hand…So do what you will: Pray, chant, just don’t forget!

They can not take another hit

There is nothing we can do

Ernesto is bearing down

It’s going to be a hullabaloo

Fear is rising

Frustrations are mounting

Lives are quivering

Tears are spilling

I want to send

An immense WIND

That will push the evil away

And let them live

My heart is with you

I am separated on by land

I will be with you every second

Crying, quivering, fearing

Festival

2006-08-25T23:18:00.000-05:00

Screams and polka dot dreams

Swirl quickly by

Smells violate my nose

Sounds rape my ears

And we watch and listen

To the pop pop pop

Tiny dots on a sheet of paper

Fountains of blood falling from the sky

Slap, smack, damn there is another

Are the chiggers coming?

Sweat pouring

Mouth dry

Bed beckons our bones

Moments fade

Yawns widen

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Cambodia

2006-08-21T20:07:00.000-05:00

Somewhere near the Cambodian border

Light flitters down from a green canopy

Snakes rattle and hum

Spotted lizards crawl up Buddhas

And praying mantises kneel

A ghost whispers

Free your mind and

your ass will follow

What do you do when you find yourself in Cambodia?

Melt into the scene

Or let out an angered scream

Everybody got to die sometime.

The Sin Part II

2006-08-13T21:14:00.000-05:00

The Sin Part II

Stranded on the dark road

He screams in agony

His only wish is that it would all end

Releasing him from the pain that holds him

The road is at its end

He knows what he has orchestrated

His screams are heard by the girl

Screams of pain and dreadfulness

As the girl approaches

The cries of a child ring in his ears

He sees the child lying deathly still

A look of morbid sadness on its face

The girl reaches out to him

But he instead picks up the dead child

Crying, he runs away with the child

Knowing it was his fault from the start

He will never forgive himself

Nor will the girl

The Sin Part I

2006-08-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

This is a two part poem..so be sure for the follow up!

The Sin Part I

The air was crisp and pure

Advertising a sense of cleanliness

The hesitation of her step

Made people stop and stare

She knew why they stared

Shamefulness was her friend

Yet she carried her shame with dignified pride

For the child of wedlock was loved before it was born

Deep within it stirred

Reminding her of committed sins

She wept as she walked

Looking up she saw him in the distance

He held a look of love and disgust

Knowing the time had come to face the fire

She walked on past

Not daring to stare at the depths of his souls

He showed a look of concern and satisfaction

As he realized he would get what he wanted

Four Dark Eyes

2006-08-13T14:49:00.000-05:00

Four dark eyes stare into the distance

Waiting to start another barrage

Anger boils and overflows

Endless days of death and despair

Have made them weary

Souls heavy with reality

Headlines say it ends tomorrow

It is time to get in those last licks

Before the deadline hits

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Fleeing, hearts pounding dripping fright

Losing sight, cut by the flying shards

Pressing their bodies together

As if that makes a difference because they are

Receiving those last licks

Monday morning dawns over the hills

And the four dark eyes peer out

Unable to stop scanning the horizon

Waiting to wreak havoc

If the BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Comes flying their way

The four dark eyes blink

Brains screaming "is it over?"

Better keep scanning

Him and I

2006-08-11T10:18:00.000-05:00

Tiny pieces of paper strewn from an afternoon of cutting

Plastic men ready to attack on his command

Spilled juice causing havoc on surfaces

Oh how it irks me

It enrages me

Those men and paper and tiny spills

Overwhelm my ability to think straight

He is normal

I am not

I tell him that he is brilliant

And then I stifle his creativity

Maybe a new mom is what he needs

A mom without OCD

He says no

You are the best mom ever

I lay in my bed engulfed with this statement

And I cry…..

I cry for his soul

Hoping that I do not ruin him

Outside the City

2006-08-08T15:35:00.000-05:00

They are huge and sprawling

Living in a town called suburbia

The Jones’ have moved in

And things are going up

The expanse is grand

On the largest cookie cutter scale

Bricks, statues, and perfectly laid sod

Pools sunk deep for the effect

Streets named for

Famous French buildings

Mailboxes line up in perfect succession

All of them white and locked

Oh the gated community

America’s horrible reality

Fear

2006-08-04T08:31:00.000-05:00

What is fear?

Timidity

Misgivings

Trepidation?

What is fear?

When you bow to the boss

Knowing you are better than he is?

What is fear?

Is it getting in your car

Afraid of those around you?

What is fear?

Is it the true emotion you feel

When you wake up every morning?

What do you fear?

Failure

Disease

Government?

Can fear be erased?

From you mind and soul

As if you had banged the delete key?

The Escape

2006-07-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

The Escape

I remember the window

with its dirty panes

staring out from the side of the old house

The window that has bombarded my memory

through my dreams and the flashes of thoughts

that show up when I don’t want them.

I asked her if that was the window

that we left through

She says “No, that is

The window we planned through”

We escaped through the front door.

The front door?

Escaped?

I did not know we had escaped.

I thought we left the hellish place

by free will alone.

Escape!

Makes it sound like our lives were in danger.

I missed the flashing warning sign.

She cries and apologizes.

She just kept saying “I didn’t know.”

“I never meant for you to hurt.”

“How could you not know?”

All she can say is, “I did not know,

I would have left sooner.”

I begin to feel like a refugee,

escaping the horror

that engulfed our lives.

Thunder

2006-07-25T20:19:00.000-05:00

Sounds of thunder rain down around me

I do not flinch

Soothing reverberations make my eyelids droop

I feel purified as the sound envelopes me into daydreams

On a street somewhere

Sounds of thunder rain down around her

She flinches

Mind-numbing reverberations make her eyelids close

She feels scared and nauseated and prays it is all a dream

One woman bathes in the peace of thunder

She quietly sleeps as peace enters her mind

The other screams and runs from thunder

As she realizes that peace no longer walks with her

Ode to Humidity

2006-07-25T20:16:00.000-05:00

I step out the door and at once my breath is stolen from me.

Humidity slips down my throat and clamps off passages of air.

It grips my chest like a hellish demon.

I try to run, to get away.

But, humidity slows me down, making escape slow and unbearable.

It tightens and sings "I am not finished with you."

I feel myself getting dreadfully close to falling on the grass,

which is shining and reflecting the sun like a mirror.

I make it to the car and open the door.

Humidity laughs and says, "I live in here too."

Then finally as I take off at breakneck speeds, humidity's grip loosens.

It follows me down the road in waves upon the asphalt.

Oh, humidity, won't you please leave?

Why?

2006-07-25T20:15:00.000-05:00

WHY?

I watch the news

I cry

I keep watching night after night

They keep fighting

BUT WHY?

Land?

Religion?

Annihilation of a people?

Conflicts that go so far back in time

That no one remembers why.

The historians can give an idea

But no one really knows?

It is not worth it!

Why is life not more important?

Can they not just STOP?

I want to tear my eyes away from the carnage

But I can not.

I feel that the only way I can contribute

Is to keep a mournful vigil

In front of my TV

And cry.