Sunday, November 19, 2006

Forbidden Fruit

We met through mutual friends

Instantaneous attraction

A years worth of flirtation

Playing out sexual motives

In bars and houses

Always with friends

You were forbidden fruit

But I loved the attention

That night at the bar on 5th St.

Frustration took our hands

We snuck away from our friends

First you then me around the corner

That car ride to my apartment

Was so nauseating and excruciating

Once we got in my room

Pent up passion overtook

That year melted away

Into passionate intimacy

The crowd came home

And over the balcony you went

Home was your destination

To confess to your wife

And then you migrated

Far away from me

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Angry

I watch the news and

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why do the Janjaweed

Rape and mutilate

For land

Religion

Women treated as animals

Children starved

Holy fuck and all we care about is

Gas mileage

DVDs

Football games

Getting enough turkey

Christmas presents

And all they want is not to be raped and mutilated

Not to be fucked out of existence


Monday, November 13, 2006

From the hills I came

Listening to mandolins

Spewing sweet melodies

Floating down that river

Swaying and creaking

Cane pole feeding and pushing

Sitting in limbo

Watching for the delta

To spread before me

Sunsets and sunrises

My only companions

On the Mississippi

Sunday, November 05, 2006

In stepped Clara

Normally not an issue

But you cared for this one

Fucking bitch

My reality became

A question of your devotion

My soul mate

Intrigued by another

Sunshine girl

Jealously finally spilled

And my last words were

“Fuck You”

As I hung up the phone

Two weeks later

October 6, 1995

Day before my 21st

I worked

And my coke dealer

Had special plans for me

I spent the entire night

Snorting the best coke ever

Then there was that flat tire

At 5 am

Got a ride home

Borrowed a vehicle

Went to work

It was only an hour when I got a call

“Are you OK?”

“Sure! I have been up all night

But it’s my birthday

I’ll be ready”

Greg’s voice slowly saying

“Oh shit you don’t know!”

“Know what?”

“I am so sorry, but I cannot be the one”

“They are looking for you”

I finally drag it out of him

Tears filled my eyes

By body was not my own

The phone dropped

Stumbled through the kitchen

All I could say was he’s dead

Early on the 7th

With a bottle of whiskey

In hand

Chuck sat on the tracks behind his house

Tucked his head down and quit

This tragedy will continue…….If you are just starting go back and read the other two. There is one installment left. But I am getting emotionally drained. I am crying again after 12 years…….Be patient

Friday, November 03, 2006

Spilled Wine

a dropped
bottle of wine
pooling
and
r
u
n
n
i
n
g

down the driveway
smelling of muscadine

“Goddamn I declare have you seen the light?”

From day one your smile impeded breathing

Every morsel of awareness addressed my way

Predestined living or dying

A thousand deaths

In my father’s house

I told you about this

Fucked up feeling inside

And you had it too

Goddamn, one year was all I got

And I did not even appreciate it

I took it for granted

Slept around (as did you)

I think that was the agreement

I remember the little details

The Spanish Harlem

Snorted up our nostrils

Hunting trails

Smoking bowls

Lying on the hood

Keg parties’ tequila and cheese

Climbing three stories

Instead of the stairs

Keeping your socks under your bean bag

And dead roses scattered everywhere

Charlotte ’95 encoring

“The Mighty Quinn”

Wrestling and fucking

So turned on by this bizarre

Energy that just crept up

On us every time we came

Into contact

Together and separate

I learned the ways of the head

Jerry my divine intervention

A manifest destination

Of love and peace

No longer just the dealer

But the lover of you

It was indeed

The happiest year of my being

Nevertheless

In crept strife

C. Part ONe

I lived on First Street, Apt. A

Knowing all the people

Loving all the crowds

As long as the drugs were flowing

And the jam bands playing

Life was perfect

I lived from place to place

Drinking smoking snorting

Tripping my balls off

Promiscuous and thriving

Caring and still staying distant

Dying on the inside everyday

And not even knowing

What it meant to exist

Thinking good beer, music, and smoke

Is all I needed to live

Joe and Greg said

You got to meet this guy

You will love him just open your mind

And he will buy and so will his hippie friends

It is a whole new outlet for your market

I was intrigued by their words

But I hated dirty hippies and the smell of patchouli

And their vagabond gypsy customs

And their undying devotion to Jerry

My would be put on the standards were on the edge

But I went to that Apartment

On the third floor at Fifth Street

And met you head to head

In that small empty apartment holding an

Assemblage of “H”eads sitting on the edges

DEAR YAHWEH those eyes grasped me

Eyes like yours have never penetrated my exterior

Staring back at me with such supremacy and trepidation

Stealing my oxygen and my whole being

Rendering me incapable of singular thought

As I looked in your eyes and saw your dark soul

I knew from that moment that I would never forget

I was petrified and vulnerable in your gaze

Paralyzed into slavery, you acting as master

I knew I would not leave you, unless you pressed

You loved me instantly and unconditionally

As I loved you with the same terms

But your soul was dead barely shining

Lost forever to something unspeakable

And there I started my race to save it

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Remember that night

It’s time its time!

Ripping off whole corners

Dissolving on my tongue

The wait is killing me

Then it comes

Swirls of light

Trails with every breathe

Those tortillas chips

Are a bubbling mess

Here come the birds

The sky turned black

I scream “The Birds”

And Josh only laughs

Then we all travel

To that weird place

And upstairs Ben is

Cutting coke in shapes

Soon enough though

I had to go outside

I rocked and I wailed

I’ll be like this forever

Then it was time to

Go home at 6 am

Mr. Officer was I speeding?

Just a seatbelt violation?

Oh how Joe and I laughed

As we pulled away

In that little Subaru

Going to First Street

Sunday, October 22, 2006

MY LOSS

So many roads I have traveled

Since that fateful day

When I learned of your existence

Peeing in the bathroom of a movie rental store

Smoking a joint

And at a stop sign reading the results

I remember the scream of anguish

Guilt despair and loneliness

Arrived with and exhale of smoke

Strung out and drunk

Grieving for what I had lost

Not knowing where I was going

I know how you were made

But with who

I can not answer

I consoled my grief

With two men

Neither of them caring

When it was known that you

Were swimming in fluids encased within

A solution had to be determined

My compadres said we can fix that

With a bottle of Jagermeister and Percocet

And an impromptu abortion

That day I cried and felt a bit of me die

I had killed you

Before the doctor ever got his machine near you

My road is now more contented

But I haven’t forgotten you

My sweet creation of grief and addiction

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Blues

I got them…

6 A.M.

Driving in the dark

Teachers hating

Students wanting

Administrators watching

Soccer practice

Crazy parent

Shin hurting

No sleep

Got to cook dinner

No sex in 6 years

Baby’s daddy

Bible belt

No close friends

No money

BLUES

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


My son wrote me a poem today...and I normally would not do this......but

Just me and my mom
I love my mom
She loves me
She is kool









I LOVE YOU SON!

Monday, September 18, 2006



Living life to survive

Learning everything

Knowing nothing

Life is a refry of death


Sunday, September 10, 2006

Little Chinese Girl

Men stare and touch me

Drag me across unknown territories

Treat as me as inferior

All to get a little trim

Prairie winds blowing

I wish I weren’t going

I‘m just a simple peasant girl

No need for whirls

I am not a pearl

I’m a little Chinese girl

Not aiming to please

How many have died

out on those plains

Waiting for the homeland

How many burials never marked

Scattered across the west

Tributes to an unknown slavery

Prairie winds blowing

I wish I weren’t going

I‘m just a simple peasant girl

No need for whirls

I am not a pearl

Sunday, September 03, 2006

no title...sorry

How do you stop living in the past?

Shutting out memories is inconceivable…

Trying to face them makes you weak…

Acceptance doesn’t rid you…

Leaving is obsolete….

Nasty memories stalk sanity….

You cannot escape with sleep….

Dreams are vivid reminders…

They bring the dead back..

And make the living dead…

All behind your closed eyelids

In moments of peace

Memories rush at you

Crushing solitude into

A million little pieces

You never feel safe

From those haunting

Bits of time

That devour your soul

Fresh memories never erase

Only make more poignant

Those demonic memories

THAT REFUSE TO LEAVE

So the question remains

How do you stop living in the past

Shutting out inconceivable memories

That weakens you

Perhaps ripping your soul to shreds

Propagating your own death

Will finally release you

Into total oblivion

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Don't Forget!

With a new hurricane bearing down on the Gulf Coast, I wanted to remind people that there are still very serious problems in the Third World USA….My dear friend Rhonda Rainbow is as strong as a granite, but let us not forget her anguish. This poem is dedicated to her…It is not meant to be perfect, just an emotional reminder of how lucky we are. I live in a hurricane zone, and I know these feelings well and have seen it all first hand…So do what you will: Pray, chant, just don’t forget!

They can not take another hit

There is nothing we can do

Ernesto is bearing down

It’s going to be a hullabaloo

Fear is rising

Frustrations are mounting

Lives are quivering

Tears are spilling

I want to send

An immense WIND

That will push the evil away

And let them live

My heart is with you

I am separated on by land

I will be with you every second

Crying, quivering, fearing

Friday, August 25, 2006

Festival

Screams and polka dot dreams

Swirl quickly by

Smells violate my nose

Sounds rape my ears

And we watch and listen

To the pop pop pop

Tiny dots on a sheet of paper

Fountains of blood falling from the sky

Slap, smack, damn there is another

Are the chiggers coming?

Sweat pouring

Mouth dry

Bed beckons our bones

Moments fade

Yawns widen

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Monday, August 21, 2006

Cambodia

Somewhere near the Cambodian border

Light flitters down from a green canopy

Snakes rattle and hum

Spotted lizards crawl up Buddhas

And praying mantises kneel

A ghost whispers

Free your mind and

your ass will follow

What do you do when you find yourself in Cambodia?

Melt into the scene

Or let out an angered scream

Everybody got to die sometime.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Sin Part II

The Sin Part II

Stranded on the dark road

He screams in agony

His only wish is that it would all end

Releasing him from the pain that holds him

The road is at its end

He knows what he has orchestrated

His screams are heard by the girl

Screams of pain and dreadfulness

As the girl approaches

The cries of a child ring in his ears

He sees the child lying deathly still

A look of morbid sadness on its face

The girl reaches out to him

But he instead picks up the dead child

Crying, he runs away with the child

Knowing it was his fault from the start

He will never forgive himself

Nor will the girl

The Sin Part I

This is a two part poem..so be sure for the follow up!





The Sin Part I

The air was crisp and pure

Advertising a sense of cleanliness

The hesitation of her step

Made people stop and stare

She knew why they stared

Shamefulness was her friend

Yet she carried her shame with dignified pride

For the child of wedlock was loved before it was born

Deep within it stirred

Reminding her of committed sins

She wept as she walked

Looking up she saw him in the distance

He held a look of love and disgust

Knowing the time had come to face the fire

She walked on past

Not daring to stare at the depths of his souls

He showed a look of concern and satisfaction

As he realized he would get what he wanted

Four Dark Eyes

Four dark eyes stare into the distance

Waiting to start another barrage

Anger boils and overflows

Endless days of death and despair

Have made them weary

Souls heavy with reality

Headlines say it ends tomorrow

It is time to get in those last licks

Before the deadline hits

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Fleeing, hearts pounding dripping fright

Losing sight, cut by the flying shards

Pressing their bodies together

As if that makes a difference because they are

Receiving those last licks

Monday morning dawns over the hills

And the four dark eyes peer out

Unable to stop scanning the horizon

Waiting to wreak havoc

If the BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Comes flying their way

The four dark eyes blink

Brains screaming "is it over?"

Better keep scanning

Friday, August 11, 2006

Him and I

Tiny pieces of paper strewn from an afternoon of cutting

Plastic men ready to attack on his command

Spilled juice causing havoc on surfaces

Oh how it irks me

It enrages me

Those men and paper and tiny spills

Overwhelm my ability to think straight

He is normal

I am not

I tell him that he is brilliant

And then I stifle his creativity

Maybe a new mom is what he needs

A mom without OCD

He says no

You are the best mom ever

I lay in my bed engulfed with this statement

And I cry…..

I cry for his soul

Hoping that I do not ruin him

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Outside the City

They are huge and sprawling

Living in a town called suburbia

The Jones’ have moved in

And things are going up

up

Up

UP

The expanse is grand

On the largest cookie cutter scale

Bricks, statues, and perfectly laid sod

Pools sunk deep for the effect

Streets named for

Famous French buildings

Mailboxes line up in perfect succession

All of them white and locked

Oh the gated community

America’s horrible reality

Friday, August 04, 2006

Fear

What is fear?

Timidity

Misgivings

Trepidation?

What is fear?

When you bow to the boss

Knowing you are better than he is?

What is fear?

Is it getting in your car

Afraid of those around you?

What is fear?

Is it the true emotion you feel

When you wake up every morning?

What do you fear?

Failure

Disease

Government?

Can fear be erased?

From you mind and soul

As if you had banged the delete key?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Escape

The Escape

I remember the window

with its dirty panes

staring out from the side of the old house

The window that has bombarded my memory

through my dreams and the flashes of thoughts

that show up when I don’t want them.

I asked her if that was the window

that we left through

She says “No, that is

The window we planned through”

We escaped through the front door.

The front door?

Escaped?

I did not know we had escaped.

I thought we left the hellish place

by free will alone.

Escape!

Makes it sound like our lives were in danger.

I missed the flashing warning sign.

She cries and apologizes.

She just kept saying “I didn’t know.”

“I never meant for you to hurt.”

“How could you not know?”

All she can say is, “I did not know,

I would have left sooner.”

I begin to feel like a refugee,

escaping the horror

that engulfed our lives.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Thunder

Sounds of thunder rain down around me

I do not flinch

Soothing reverberations make my eyelids droop

I feel purified as the sound envelopes me into daydreams

On a street somewhere

Sounds of thunder rain down around her

She flinches

Mind-numbing reverberations make her eyelids close

She feels scared and nauseated and prays it is all a dream

One woman bathes in the peace of thunder

She quietly sleeps as peace enters her mind

The other screams and runs from thunder

As she realizes that peace no longer walks with her

Ode to Humidity

I step out the door and at once my breath is stolen from me.

Humidity slips down my throat and clamps off passages of air.

It grips my chest like a hellish demon.

I try to run, to get away.

But, humidity slows me down, making escape slow and unbearable.

It tightens and sings "I am not finished with you."

I feel myself getting dreadfully close to falling on the grass,

which is shining and reflecting the sun like a mirror.

I make it to the car and open the door.

Humidity laughs and says, "I live in here too."

Then finally as I take off at breakneck speeds, humidity's grip loosens.

It follows me down the road in waves upon the asphalt.

Oh, humidity, won't you please leave?

Why?

WHY?

I watch the news

I cry

I keep watching night after night

They keep fighting

BUT WHY?

Land?

Religion?

Annihilation of a people?

Conflicts that go so far back in time

That no one remembers why.

The historians can give an idea

But no one really knows?

It is not worth it!

Why is life not more important?

Can they not just STOP?

I want to tear my eyes away from the carnage

But I can not.

I feel that the only way I can contribute

Is to keep a mournful vigil

In front of my TV

And cry.